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As so many times in life, there are several answers to the question, as it is not just one question.
As you might know by now, EFT balances our energy field in relation to negative emotions, negative beliefs and even many physical symptoms (as they have mental emotional stress as a cause). Being in balance is always important. Being in balance is the basis of a good and healthy life, and grief should not make the state of balance undone permanently.
There is a part of grief, that has truly to do with the loved one: Missing the person or animal, remembering all the wonderful things about him or her. Grief is a very powerful and honorable feeling that allows us to be honest with our feelings and our love and appreciation. Grief allows us to find closure.
But there is a part of grief that has to do with something else:
Many of the people that I work with with grief actually feel regrets, guilt, fear of the future, loss of meaning in life, anger at someone or something, …
This is not grief, even though it feels connected, but it can truly be seen separately. When helping someone cope with the death of a loved one, I am always very sensitive to the added beliefs and feelings that often even overshadow what the person truly feels about the death.
We need to honor that at every moment of our life, given our circumstances, what we believed and were capable of, we did the best we could. This doesn’t mean that we used all our potential, but there was a reason for this, and we deserve to forgive ourselves.
I often hear people say “If only I had done…” or “If only I had known…”.
We tap on this. we make sure we take the emotional charge out of things that, at the very time when they occurred, could not be changed.
We tap on the guilt for having said or done something that was later regretted, on the feeling “I should have been there more for him!”.
We also tap on the fear of being alone, the fear of the future. EFT takes the charge out of these feelings beautifully. It does a wonderful job helping someone let go of the “”what if’s” and many other thoughts.
Tapping in the time of grief allows us to focus on what actually happened, and to take the charge out of the circumstances, especially when they were difficult to watch.
Tapping on grief allows us to purify the death of the beloved person, to clear the passing from any negativity, fear and remorse, and to truly focus on the person we loved and miss.
At a later time, it allows us to reclaim our life and refocus on what is next for us, how we can integrate the life and death of the person into our future. When we take the charge out off the unnecessary grief, we will find a way to gather our strength, find the meaning in the situation and move forward powerfully.
Here are some tapping suggestions:
KP: Even though I am overwhelmed with grief, I acknowledge my feelings and loss with compassion and kindness
KP: Even though I am so sad about all that happened, I wish I could have made a difference, I deeply recognize that I did the best I could
KP: Even though I am overwhelmed and scared of the future, what does this mean for all of us who are staying behind?, I deeply and completely accept myself
TH: I am overwhelmed with grief
IE: I am so sad
OE: I don’t know what to do
UE: I am just overwhelmed
UN: OMG, this is too much for me
UL: I don’t know what to do
CB: I feel this deep grief all over my body
UA: I am overwhelmed and I don’t know what too do
TH: I am so sad, and I am scared of what this will bring
TH: I deeply acknowledge how I feel
IE: This is huge, bigger than most people will ever know
OE: Of course I am sad and overwhelmed
UE: I acknowledge myself and my feelings with deep compassion and kindness
UN: And I acknowledge that it seems tough and dark from here on
UL: I recognize my feelings about my future
CB: And I acknowledge my feelings that I should have done better in the past
UA: Even though I am so overwhelmed with grief now
TH: I can see that I always did the bst that I could
TH: What if life could be safe and I would go on eventually?
IE: I would love to see a way how this could be possible
OE: What if everybody knew that I did the best that I could
UE: And what happened back then, that haunts me now, was long forgiven and forgotten?
UN: What if I could see a way to heal my relationship with [the person that died]
UL: By simply being and ask for forgiveness
CB: What if there was more understanding than I thought there was
UA: And I was allowed to find peace and comfort in my life
TH: What if I could find a way to move forward and feel safe, that truly works for me and everybody else involved?
TH: I love you
IE: I’m sorry
OE: Please forgive me
UE: Thank You!
UN: I love you
UL: I’m sorry!
CB: Please forgive me
UA: Thank you!
Take a deep breath.
Naturally, this tapping suggestion is probably not all that you need to heal, but it can be a start. It might open some doors for you, where you find information, memories and thoughts that need to heal in order for you to rebalance.
Maybe you can find comfort and peace while tapping on feelings and memories that can be released.
Blessings
Ingrid Dinter
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